We got it all wrong...

Since we remember, people have been telling us what to do.  You can’t do this!  You can’t say that!  Why?  Tell me why!  I’ll tell you why.  You see… since the early world ages (when humans were already here), a system was created.  Not just any system.  A society system.  So someone had this brilliant idea of not doing whatever they felt was “wrong” or doing whatever they felt was “right.”  People liked the idea and started to copy it around the world.  Therefore creating what we now know as society.  Let me tell you what I think about society:
    It’s all wrong.  It’s all crap.  Yeah I’m openly criticizing our society.  I say our because I’m part of it too.  But it’s wrong!  Then again, who am I to tell you it’s wrong?  But who are you to tell me it’s right?  Besides, who said the right isn’t wrong and the wrong isn’t right?  Ever thought about that?  Why is it “wrong” for a person to not to go to school?  Why do they have to do t in order to be successful?  They don’t.  It all goes back to our system.  We go to school and we are told what to take: math, science, history, P.E, English (whatever language), etc… NO WAY!  WHY!?!?  I’ll study whatever I want to study!  Who are you to tell me what to do?  And it gets worse!  College.  A place where you’re supposed to have freedom and you’re supposed to take whatever class you want and learn what you actually care about right?  Bullshit.  Even in college we need to  take what THEY tell us to take.  Sure you get to pick your classes… one or two per semester…  Fuck that…  I wanna be able to do whatever I want or say what I need to say without having people bitching at me.  Society needs to change.  The world hasn’t gone anywhere.  No one sees it?  We got it all wrong.  What we once thought was the best is actually the worst.  I want to be able to do what I want to do without being judged.  Of course that won’t happen because of this system.  I don’t need to go to school to be smart.  I don’t need to study to be successful.  And no, I don’t want the schools to close down or anything like that.  I just wish we changed the way we see things.  We can go to school.  But let us choose what is important for us.  And one more ting… adults: stop telling me what to do.  I’m not going to listen because you don’t really know what is “right” or ‘wrong!”  So stop.   All I want is advice and experiences.   I’m young.  I’m the future. And this time… I don’t want history to repeat itself.

Let's think

Ten years.  Seems like such a long time.  Is it?  Depends how you think of it.  Tens years is a long time if you’re thinking you were in second grade… but is it really a long time when you think about the attacks we suffered?  Maybe now tens years isn’t such a long time…   Well the point isn’t this, the point is:  just because ten years is such a long time sometimes, that doesn’t mean we should forget things.  Let’s not forget what we went through and what people did ten years ago.
And yes I’m using WE… and yes I’m not American… SO WHAT?  Many people think that the 9/11 attacks only influenced America.  They were the only ones impacted by this. Blah blah blah..  FALSE.  How about we try to look this way:  A city is a part of a state, which is a part of country, which is a part of the WORLD.  If one thing happens to any small part of the whole, the whole is affected yeah?  SO maybe this didn’t just impact the US, but perhaps the whole entire world…
I’m not here to tell people what’s wrong and what’s right, what’s dark and what’s bright.  I’m here to send a message:
Ten years ago, terrorists, attacked the USA with four planes.  Two hit the towers, one went to the pentagon, and another one didn’t hit anything “important” thanks to the brave people inside.. Yeah we all know this, but what I want people to do is.. take a minute or two, and think of those who lost their lives ten years ago.  America and the world was greatly impacted that day.  Never before anyone thought a thing like that would happen.  WHAT? NO WAY MAN.  But it happened, and we gotta get over the fact.  The worst thing we can do now is blame.  Don’t you point your fingers at people.  Do not blame.  That is dirty.  It’s ridiculous to be honest.  How about instead of blaming, we take some time and come together as a PLANET?  Stop this hate.  Just for one minute, one little minute, put all our differences aside, all our issues away, and come together as one.  One planet.  This is what we need to get over this ONE problem.  People from different countries die everyday, suffer everyday… We aren’t the only ones.  Let’s have some sympathy for those who weren’t Americans and also lost their lives during the attack.  Just this one time, let’s put our pride away, let’s not be so patriotic, and also remember those who lost their lives there.  Those who lose their lives everyday.  We gotta stop thinking we’re the only ones in the world.  Because we aren’t.  And the second we put that in our minds, I’m telling you, this world will already be a better place.  Imagine us, together, praying for those who lost their lives ten years ago in a horrible attack.  Wouldn’t it be nice?  Wouldn’t you enjoy the positive feelings towards each other?
Let’s start by thinking what exactly happened that day.  Thousands of people went to work, some had to go in a plane, others just went to a meeting, and others just went to their normal jobs.  Seems great.  The sky is blue and the sun is bright.  Just that many of those who went to work, never came back.  Yeah they were killed by terrorists. And here we are ten years after.  Let’s remember them.  Let’s embrace with others.  Let’s make this moment better.  Let’s pray for them.  Pray for their souls.  Because I’m sure they’ll hear it.  They’ll be happy.  They’ll be satisfied.  Let’s unite.  Let’s become one.  There is so much we can do to make sure nothing happens like this again.  I cannot speak for those who lost their loved ones, but I can say that no one deserves to go through it again, or even for a first time.  We are one nation.  One Planet.  We are one. 
Is ten years really a long time?

Girls

“Men are all the same.” Haaa. I have to disagree with that statement.  Let’s face it girls. It’s a ridiculous phrase.  It’s useful too.  No offense, but the girl that says that, is the same girl who wants the same guy over and over again.  It doesn’t matter how bad they are.  They will go for the same guy and say the same thing.  Give me a break.   Stop it.  Guys aren’t the same.  Maybe you’re not looking for the right ones.  Maybe not the right place?  Well the point isn’t that.  The point is, no one is the same.  No one.  The End.  No more discussion.  It’s over.  You lost.  Sorry but it’s true! 
    A lot of girls WANT the same: a perfect guy that won’t cheat, that won’t bitch, that will give them the things she want, that is sensitive, that is… blah blah blah. It goes on.  I get it.  You want everything your way.  But that’s alright.   It’s the way society is.  That’s the problem.  Why?  Who said it is supposed to be this way?  Someone did.  Mistake.  Cause now everyone does the same thing and it is irritating.  It’s like no one is doing what they wanna do because society won’t accept it.  Obnoxious.  It’s wrong.  It needs to stop.  Why want the same?  Why be the same?  Why act the same?  Why?  When you can be different.  When there’s so much out there that is different.  Why not give a chance to a different guy?  Needs to be the same doesn’t it?  The way society is again.  You see, the way I look at it… Everyone is actually very different.  Not just physically different:  hair, eyes, color, etc.  But we all act different.  There’s many reasons involved in that.  We all live in different environments.  We all live with different people and different friends.  And most important of them all, we all have been through different situations and  different experiences.  For that reason, we should accept the “different.”  We should be O.K with it.  We shouldn’t be judging it either.  Look inside yourself.  Think.  Don’t you wish you could do something, but you can’t because people think you’re weird, or tings like that?  Shouldn’t you be able to do that?  Shouldn’t everyone be able to do whatever they want to do? Whatever they feel makes them happy?  This goes for girls specially.  They don’t want to choose the other guy because their friends won’t like him.  Because he won’t fit it.  Stop it. STOP. 
    Girls are complicated.  I’m a guy and I know they can be so hard to get.  Just like guys are.  Girls don’t understand that guys also make mistakes.  Take me as an example.  I have made so many mistakes. Including when it comes to girls.  Let me fix that.  SPECIALLY when it comes to girls.  I’ve said the same tings to two girls at the same time.  I have flirted with other girls when I was in a relationship.  I admit it.  There.  I’ve done horrible things to girls.  I get it.  I do.  But what girls don’t believe in is the fact that people change.  I’ve changed.  Oh boy have I changed.  My idea of girls changed.  I don’t do what I did before.  I learned.  Like most guys do… Maybe after a lot of hurtful experiences.  But we all change.  The problem is society again.  For some dumb reason, society made us believe that people don’t change.  It made us not want to give others a second chance.  See everything starts with society.  Every problem we have is because of society and what society think about it.  Think about it.  It all makes sense.  One more time.  People do change.  We just don’t want to see it.  Now, I’m not saying: give another chance to the guy who cheated on you. NO. that’s wrong.  If you do, then you have no self-respect.  Get some.  Then read this again.  Sorry.  All I’m saying is, again, people do make mistakes.  You make them too.  Don’t be ashamed of them.   Be happy you made mistakes so you could fix it.  Let’s get real now.  No one is the same.  Everyone is different. 

Not true to me, but true to so many people...

Why move?  There’s no place to go.  Why talk?  It’s not like anyone wants to hear.  Why look?  There’s nothing to look at. And when I look all I see is people crying and people dying inside.  Yeah that’s right.  Mom is fighting with her boyfriend again.  Yup, they were out drinking last night again.  And yes, my brother and I got involved as usual.  You know, I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of it all.  And I’m not sure how mom isn’t… I mean every freaking weekend she fights with her boyfriend. No, this isn’t an exaggeration.. Nope.  It’s true.  Every Friday night mom goes somewhere with her “friends” and drink… then guess what?  She fights with that dude.  The same dude too.  Impressive how someone stays with someone else after all this time of suffering.  What, do girls like this crap?  He comes, drinks, and then fights with her. Oh and it isn’t just a fight.  It’s a real fight.  There’s hitting, there’s glass flying, blood, people screaming, and such.  Oh yeah, there’s also a baby crying.  Like, what is wrong with you?? I don’t care about myself.  I can handle it.  But a baby? A little innocent baby?  How dare you?  He has no idea of what is going on.  Now he will have traumas his whole life because of you!  You know how they say “there aren’t enough words to describe what I feel for you?”  Exactly.  There aren’t enough.  You guys are so bad, that no words can possibly describe how much I HATE you. And yes I used the word HATE.  Because it is strong.  Because it is true.  You guys are useless.  You guys should be suffering a lot.  Forever.  Even after you guys die.  Specially then.  What you guys do isn’t right.  I know sometimes mom can’t help it.  I know.  She needs the money he gives us for food because she is incapable of  keeping a job. I know.  I get it. I also understand that it is hard to leave a guy who you love for so long, but it gets to a time where you have to choose between your family and that guy.  And don’t forget that, THAT guy is the reason why we are so sad.  The reason why we aren’t happy.  The reason why we aren’t a family.  And also remember that he is the guy that hit you and your children all the time.  With a belt, with his own hands, and even with a broom.  Yeah buddy, a broom.  And when the cops asked the same guy denied it all!  What a fuck.  You can’t leave him can you?  You are incapable of doing so many things that I’m not surprised that you can’t leave him.  Just remember that we will never forgive you.  Not after those nights we stood there.  Not after you came back home with your friends and didn’t let anyone sleep.  Not after all I suffered from all that.  You know I can’t do certain things cuz of you?  You know your baby, my brother, can’t do all he wants cuz of you?  And for what? To live in a shitty place like this?  Help you out?  No.  Thanks mom.  Not anymore.  I’m tired of all this.  I’m sick and disgusted of it.  You gotta stop.  Until you don’t, I will be with dad because he isn’t perfect, but he’s the best thing I got.  The best thing we got.  And maybe someday you’ll realize that you need your family.  Maybe you’ll realize you need to go get help.  Maybe you’ll someday get your life straight.  Or Maybe you won’t.  I mean you were like this all your life , why change right?  But if you do ever change, I hope that it won’t be too late.  I want the best for you. I want you to be happy.  I just hope that WE isn’t what makes you happy.  Cuz WE you’ll never have again.  It’s our turn to move, to look and to talk.   Goodbye.  

The World... part 2... kinda

Imma start by repeating the old saying “Things happen for a reason.”  Whoever started this is a genius.  Think about it. You are born, you live, and you die. EHH BORING.  But somewhere in between things happened to make you who you are now.  Accidents, family issues, moving, meeting people etc… People complain about issues all the time (including me A LOT), we cry about dumb mistakes and asks God why things happened like they did.  After so many things went “wrong” in my life, I started thinking why.  I’m only 17 and I’m probably not sure of why yet, but I have ideas.  

Let me show you a little of my religious side (which isn’t big). Side note: thanks mom and dad for this religious side help.  In my opinion, as a soul, we chose the paths we wanted to take in this life.  That means before we took a body, we already knew what we were gonna go through.  The troubles, the ups, the downs, everything.  We chose based on how strong our auras and souls are.  Meaning, if you already went through a lot of troubles, found a lot of obstacles in life, you have a strong soul.  You chose this path because you knew you could take it I think this quote can explain it “A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.”.  So out of this thought, I can say that I don’t think God is real.  Not as in an old dude out there in the sky telling people where to go and what to do. NO.  God is inside each one of us.  We chose our paths, we did it.  We are God.

Now after you got to know my little religious side, I’ll go back to my point.  We complain, we cry, we scream when things go wrong.  When we are supposed to say thank you.  We learn so many lessons, so many things that will help us eventually.  Isn’t that a reason to thank?  You can use me as an example.  I went through what I thought was hell for a lot of years of my life, I really did.  I didn’t think of thanking. What the fuck?  All this bad crap happened and I need to thank? Thank who? Well… I got some answers now.  Thank yourself, thank your angel that is protecting you everyday.  Thank whoever you want, even God if that’s your case, but thank and not cry about it.  There’s another saying I like “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  Trust me, you breaking up with your girlfriend isn’t gonna kill you buddy.  Your family member dying isn’t going to destroy you. Horrible things in life are going to make you strong, so in a way they aren’t horrible, they are amazing.  Nothing goes wrong.  Everything goes right.  Everything goes right.  

One mistake I made was to think negative all the time.  Guess what? Negativity attracts negativity (sorry physics, but in life opposite do not attract the opposite).  Thinks kept going wrong.  After I saw the bright side of things.. BOOM. They got better… Try it one day!  But boy, where am I going with this whole story?  A bunch of boring shit… I think I’m listening to Eminem too much… But he is genius.. What can I say?  He knows what’s up. Listen and pay attention to his songs sometimes.. it may help you.

Imma end this like I started it.  With a quote of course…  “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”  Experiments can go right or wrong.  Remember that when it goes wrong, it isn’t necessarily wrong, it might be right too.  Go live your life.  Don’t be stupid because being stupid you can’t choose when you are choosing your paths… at least I don’t think so.  And when people are being idiots, ignore them.  That’s the best advice.  I know you have to go thru your own problems and sometimes other people can be a problem too.  So here’s my tip:  People wanna judge?  Let them.  People wanna talk behind your back? Let them.  People wanna be jealous?  Let them. This things are not going to destroy you.  They are going to make you stronger.  Don’t matter what they do, don’t do it back.  It’s not worth it.  You got your pride to worry about.  Things happen for a reason. Don’t forget.

The World

Let’s go back in time.  Let’s go back.. umm.. 2 years is enough.  I can see a kid from far away.  Why is he alone? Why is his head down?  Now I know why he was alone. He is an African American and at the time, he was yelled at, he was hit at, and even spitted at for being black.  People are really cowards I thought.  I had only 15 years of age and I wasn’t sure that was really happening.  I couldn’t believe that people were still doing all that kind of stuff in 2009!  WHAT?  What were these people doing to this kid?  They were destroying his mind.  You could see every time you tried talking to him.  He smiled and talked back, but behind that smile he wanted to cry, it was there in his eyes.  Look!  Wouldn’t you too if you went through stuff like that?  What was going on in his mind?  Well let’s go inside his mind then… I mean how else to learn and understand?  DUUH…

IN HIS MIND… BLING BLING BLING…

            I’m alone. I have no one.  I’m sitting on a hard bench on an unknown public school.  I say unknown but I study here since I was 5.  But do I really know anybody here?  All people do is mistreat me. AND I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING TO THEM!!  They spread rumors, they judge me, they want me to leave!  Where am I going to go?  What am I going to do?  I wish I could leave too.  I wish I could go to a better place where people treated me equal and there was no racism going on.. but I can’t.  I can’t because my dad is dead and my mom never came back.  I have no other family but the people who took me in.  I have no siblings to share what I have to say.  I have no future ahead of me.  Why do people keep on saying? Why do people keep on making my life worse?  Why God? WHY?

BLIIIIINNNNGGG (Outta his mind)

            Look the sadness in his eyes.  I want to approach and ask. And talk. But others will look. Others will say stuff about me.  I got a reputation you know… SCREW THAT!  Go do what you want to do!  Yeah... I’ll forget about people now, because we’re young and people don’t matter.  Who cares if I’m less popular?  Who cares what people will say?  I don’t. Why do?  To hurt my pride?  I won’t be anyone’s bitch.  Imma talk to him. I want to help the kid and see what’s going on.  I’m not sure how to start a convo or what to say, but I feel like t is the right thing to do.

CONVERSATION OVER

            I went there.  I talked to him.  People looked. Oh Well. Fuck off.  Life goes on.  While others come and tell me nonsense.. you know what I did?  I went there and gave someone what they didn’t have in a long time: a reason to smile.  The kid didn’t do anything, didn’t harm anyone and yet he’s being judged because of the color of his skin?  This is ridiculous and pathetic.  This world needs to change.  And it’s not just race problems, it’s everything.  You turn one away and you see people starving, you look the other way and there’s people killing each other.  Everywhere you go there’s a problem.  It’s an absurd.  Why do people suffer so much?  Why do we all go through bad things?  Where did we go wrong?  

TO BE CONTINUED ....

The Love I Never Had (one short story I wrote)

Pick a place.. yeah any place… come on now, don’t be shy.. did I hear a living-room?  I think I did. Okay a living room it is. 

Then, we’re sitting on chairs, long comfortable chairs.  Those that you can put your feet up and relax.  Just relax.  Maybe watch some TV.  Hey, soccer is on.  That’s right. Good old soccer.  I’m from Brazil and so is she.  What else to watch?  There is no movie on, no scary movie, no action movie, not even those boring romance movies.  But that’s alright, we had a lot of romance in our lives.  A LOT.  Since October 31, 2005.  Yup, Halloween. Scary. Woo. Not really.  That day was the best day of my life.  Grandma threw a Halloween party, like always, and there she came out of the car.  Wearing a little custom.  She was.. I’m not good with dates.. 10 I believe, maybe 11.  Yeah let’s go with 11.  Doesn’t matter, she looked outstanding.  I still remember how she looked with that dark clothes and a little witch hat on.  I saw her, she saw me.  BAM.  A lot of people don’t believe me, but it is true.  I started liking her right away.  And I think she did too.  We talked a lot that night, I remember, and after she left I was desperate to talk to her.  OH WAIT. We did exchange phone numbers. HURRY now.. where is the phone??  There it is buddy.  Now go text her.. Jesus.. just don’t say anything stupid.  The texting went alright and I would always remember that ‘I love you” text.  That will stay in my mind forever, just like that goodbye kiss. That innocent sticky kiss on her cheeks,  Oh boy do I want another one.  Days went by, we talked everyday.  She went online on MSN and so did I. we talked non-stop. We went out for a while but…. Her house was kinda far, so it didn’t work so well.. we had to stop it. We did.  But the love stayed.  Even when I moved to the USA a year later.  It was upsetting, it was depressing, but life was way better there.  More money to come, more opportunities.. English would be fluent… that’s a great change in one way.  On the other hand, I was crushed.  I was going to leave all my family, friends, and her.  NO! HER! Oh you have no idea how much I loved and still love her.  Her eyes, I can’t describe it. Brown. Big. Beautiful.  Her hair. Long. Brown. Wavy. Her skin. Light. Her mouth… Okay I gotta stop I know. But I cant. I just cant. She’s beautiful. Sometimes I think she is too beautiful for me. Too special for my heart to take.  I’ve told her that.. and one response always: SHUT UP.  Yup.. LOVE.  Love that actually never went away.  We still talked everyday. Using everyway we could. Facebook, MSN, Email.. we used it all.. I even sent her some pictures and videos of me saying hi.  She sent pictures back. And I saved them on my Itouch,  every night I would look at them and think about her.  How lucky am I to have her?  Then when I went back to Brazil to visit for two months in 2007, we didn’t see each other because he didn’t talk that much anymore.  We didn’t because we were too young.  But we knew the love was there still.  So much that around 2009 we talked way more.  Making “plans” for the future.  For our kids. For us.  Then she would tell me everything she wanted to.  And I’d listen. Carefully listen.  But I didn’t say much back.  That was a mistake I think, because maybe she  thought I was not interested anymore.  So when I realized that, I started talking myself.  Then she didn’t say much back.  Looked like the love was failing apart.  But it didn’t.  In 2011 I came back for a month. I called her, called her, and called her.  BEEHH.. not a word back.  But then, after I showed a gesture of love, she answered.  We went out and talked, we went out and danced, we went out and became one.  And for that moment I think she realized she was the only one I needed and wanted.  She really was the love of my life.  She was my half. I was her half.  We became one.  There was no one I wanted to be with.  No one that could make me as happy as she did and still does.  No one that could spark my heart like she did…  She knew I wasn’t going anywhere without her.  But I did. And I’m sorry darling. I had to go back to school… and while I’m apologizing, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the attention you needed, I’m sorry I wasn’t always there.  I’m sorry I had to make you wait so long!  But for every sorry, there is a thank you.  So.. thank you. Thank you for waiting, thank you for being so great and understanding, thank you for saying exactly what I needed to hear. And with the speed it started, it ended. BAM. It’s over. No more emails, no more talking. Nope. Over. But then again, what else to expect? I went back, you stayed. How is this going to work? Is this love? Is it? You asked the question, then I asked myself.  Is it love? We’ll only know in the future. Now.. I’m here.. sitting on…. What was it again? Oh yeah… on big comfortable chairs in the living room.. trying to comfort myself, trying to feel okay.. but I won’t until you are next to me. Until our dreams come true. And if they don’t.. I want you to know something: I might get you outta my mind, but you’ll always stay in my heart. Always and forever.