The truth

“Don’t lie to yourself.”  That’s one important thing I heard this summer from my dad.  When he said it, we were talking about changing colleges and the reason I’m changing colleges.  My parents don’t care why I change; they just want the best for me, as long as I don’t lie to myself. So here we go:

Yeah I’m changing colleges to be closer to you.  That’s the main reason why.  I need to stop making excuses.  While the new college is great and is around a phenomenal environment, that’s not the main reason I’m moving.  I’m moving because of you.  I’m sick of being far away from you.  That’s why I’m changing college.  Another thing I’m sick of is people telling me not to change colleges because of her.  “Don’t do it.”  “It’s not a good idea.”  “What if it doesn’t work?”  I’ll tell you if it doesn’t work - since as a society we always like to think about the worst the can happen – here it is I’ll give it to you:

The absolutely worst thing that can happen is we breaking up.  There I said it.  It is out.  Okay we break up, and I will be sad for a while.  Maybe a little sad, but most likely very sad for a long time.  Okay… so what?  I mean, I’m not trying to make our relationship seem less than what it is, because it is much more than what words can describe.  I truly love you and love our relationship.  But lets say we break up.  Okay?  We are done and we are very sad.  My world isn’t done.  What do people think?  That I won’t want to study at that particular school anymore because we aren’t together?  Because that’s not true at all.  Like I said, I will be sad.  But life eventually goes on.  I will get over it and will keep studying there for as long as I have to.  Just because I am going there for you, doesn’t mean I have to leave because of you if we break up.  That’s it.  That’s the worst that can happen if things don’t work out.

Now of course, people don’t like to think about this, but what if it DOES work?  Obviously people don’t like love stories and happy ending, because if they did, we wouldn’t have movies like we have today or the news.  Anyways, if this works, wouldn’t it be the best decision I ever made in my life?  I mean I would have you, a good education, and a good start to my life.  Isn’t that much more simple than thinking it won’t work out?  I like to think so.  I also like to think it will work out.  Because like most things in my life, I will believe it and I will live it.  Not trying to be cheesy here, but if I put it in my mind, then why wouldn’t it work? 

Everyone is different and I respect that.  So respect my decision.  Just because it didn’t work for many people, doesn’t mean it won’t work for me – for us.  I’m just living my life here man.  I’m trying to make the best decisions for myself.  No, I’m not trying to go against everyone else, like most teenagers, and do the complete opposite of what people tell me.  I thought about it all.  I didn’t make any decisions in three seconds.  I think.  I thought about it.  And this time, it just happened to be the complete opposite of what people told me.  That doesn’t mean it is a bad idea.  It doesn’t mean it is a good idea.  It just means I’m taking this path.  It means I want to learn by myself.  It means I’m not lying to myself anymore.  I’m doing this for you.  I’m not ashamed of saying it.  It is for you.  It is for us.  And if it doesn’t work out, well at least I tried.  But if it depends on me, it will work out.  Because I love you.

I truly do.  If I didn’t my heart wouldn’t jump up every time I see you, and even after over a year, I wouldn’t smile every time we text or video chat.  Yeah I love you.  I love us.  That’s that. I’m not lying to myself anymore. I’m not lying to anyone anymore.  And if anyone has a problem with this, well, you can speak up.  Tell me what the problem is, but me?  I’m just living my life.  I will listen to you.  I will take your thoughts into consideration, but at the end of the day, I’m doing what is best for me.  Whatever that means.  It’s myself first.  It’s my life first.