Let's talk

I was asked today to describe myself.  Who are you? Tell me about you.  I want to know exactly what kind of person you are.  And I thought about it for a while… I mean what does this person really want to hear?  The truth?  Or should I say what I know they want to hear?

Oh Yeah, you know, I’m a great guy.  I’m very considerable and caring.  I’m sweet and smart.  I’m good-looking and just amazing.  I want to hear about all your problems and I want to help you find a solution.  Sit down, let’s talk!

No. Truth is, I’m an asshole, man.  I don’t give a shit about your problems, because guess what?  We all have problems.  Sure I’ll sit down and listen to you talk, but if you want my opinion and my help, you’ll get the truth.  None of that lying crap.  I’m the type of guy that if a girl asks me “Do I look fat in this dress?” and she does, I’ll say, “Yes.”  I’m sorry, but if you’re asking my feedback, I’ll give it to you.  And if that makes me a bad person, so be it.  But I’m honest.

I’m a man.  I do care and do take things into consideration.  I can be sweet and smart.  Oh and by the way, I’m not good-looking. I’m fucking excellent looking.  See that confidence?  Yeah I got that too.  Some people mistakenly think I’m cocky.  No I’m not.  If I’m not good at something I’ll straight up say it.  But if I am, I’ll brag about it.  I will make sure you know I’m great.

I’m just another person with a fucked up past.  What a funny thing.  The past.  It’s supposed to stay in the past, they say.  You’re supposed to live for today and leave the past behind.  Well, you fucking try it.  My past hunts me everyday.  I’m not ashamed of it.  I’m not being a victim here.  I’m just being honest.

Yeah I have anger issues sometimes.  I do overthink.  I do get attached to people too easily.  So fucking what?!  I’m a normal person, aren’t I?  If anything, I’m a better person than most people.  You see, most people wouldn’t be alive if they had a past like mine.  They wouldn’t be able to function.  They wouldn’t be where I am in life.

But sure that sucks.  Do you know how many friendships and relationships I ruined because of my “temper?”  Do you know how many people I hurt with my honest comments?  Yeah I get it.  Sometimes things should never be said.  But when the moment comes, and the heart is beating, and your face is heating, you just spit it out.  You don’t think about consequences.  Who you hurt, or what you say isn’t in your mind.  You know why?  Because you’re a human.  I am competitive and I want to win every single argument.  Even when I know I can’t.  Even when I know I’m not right.  Oh and by the way, I’m always right.

I judge people all the time.  What is she wearing?  Why is his hair so messed up? God, you’re so ugly.  Yeah I do.  I’m not lying.  I’m a human.  We all judge.  And if you say you don’t, I call BULLSHIT on that one. Yes you do.  You know you do.  We all do.

What I’m asking for?  That’s simple.  I want someone to help me be better.  Of course sometimes it hurts me being so “mean” to other people.  I can’t help it.  You wouldn’t get it.  I want someone to tell me I’m right, even when they know I’m not.  You got my back?  Good because I got yours.  Feed my confidence bubble.  I need it.  Tell me how good I look and how good I am.  Give me hugs.  Understand that sometimes when I say I’m okay, I’m really not. (Oh and if you’re reading this thinking that only girls do that, shut up.  Guys are the same way)

Understand that I have had my problems in life.  I don’t mean any harm to you.  Even when I say horrible things.  When I apologize, I mean it.  If I don’t, then I don’t think I should be saying sorry. 

Yes, yes, I get it.  Everything isn’t about me.  But sometimes I like to think that everything is about me.  Give me that once in a while.  I’m needy.  You know that. 

But I can be the sweetest person in the world too.  I have a feeling in my heart sometimes, that I need to tell you about.  It makes me so happy when I tell someone they look good.  I t makes my heart bounce so fast when I give compliments and make someone’s day!  It’s awesome!  I love giving things to people.  You are in need? Ask me. I got your back. You got mine.

But don’t try to take advantage of me.  I can smell bullshit from a mile away.

I know when you’re lying.

See there are a lot of things I could say to that question.  Who am I?  Every single day I learn more.  I learn what I want in life and who can help me throughout this amazing journey.  I learn what people like.  And most importantly, everyday I learn that everyone has a secret.  Everyone has something they are ashamed of.  Everyone went through bad times.  And that helps me.  Helps me understand that I’m not alone out here.

So that’s that.  This is who I am.  The whole truth so far. This is my life.  Any takers?