The Love I Never Had (one short story I wrote)

Pick a place.. yeah any place… come on now, don’t be shy.. did I hear a living-room?  I think I did. Okay a living room it is. 

Then, we’re sitting on chairs, long comfortable chairs.  Those that you can put your feet up and relax.  Just relax.  Maybe watch some TV.  Hey, soccer is on.  That’s right. Good old soccer.  I’m from Brazil and so is she.  What else to watch?  There is no movie on, no scary movie, no action movie, not even those boring romance movies.  But that’s alright, we had a lot of romance in our lives.  A LOT.  Since October 31, 2005.  Yup, Halloween. Scary. Woo. Not really.  That day was the best day of my life.  Grandma threw a Halloween party, like always, and there she came out of the car.  Wearing a little custom.  She was.. I’m not good with dates.. 10 I believe, maybe 11.  Yeah let’s go with 11.  Doesn’t matter, she looked outstanding.  I still remember how she looked with that dark clothes and a little witch hat on.  I saw her, she saw me.  BAM.  A lot of people don’t believe me, but it is true.  I started liking her right away.  And I think she did too.  We talked a lot that night, I remember, and after she left I was desperate to talk to her.  OH WAIT. We did exchange phone numbers. HURRY now.. where is the phone??  There it is buddy.  Now go text her.. Jesus.. just don’t say anything stupid.  The texting went alright and I would always remember that ‘I love you” text.  That will stay in my mind forever, just like that goodbye kiss. That innocent sticky kiss on her cheeks,  Oh boy do I want another one.  Days went by, we talked everyday.  She went online on MSN and so did I. we talked non-stop. We went out for a while but…. Her house was kinda far, so it didn’t work so well.. we had to stop it. We did.  But the love stayed.  Even when I moved to the USA a year later.  It was upsetting, it was depressing, but life was way better there.  More money to come, more opportunities.. English would be fluent… that’s a great change in one way.  On the other hand, I was crushed.  I was going to leave all my family, friends, and her.  NO! HER! Oh you have no idea how much I loved and still love her.  Her eyes, I can’t describe it. Brown. Big. Beautiful.  Her hair. Long. Brown. Wavy. Her skin. Light. Her mouth… Okay I gotta stop I know. But I cant. I just cant. She’s beautiful. Sometimes I think she is too beautiful for me. Too special for my heart to take.  I’ve told her that.. and one response always: SHUT UP.  Yup.. LOVE.  Love that actually never went away.  We still talked everyday. Using everyway we could. Facebook, MSN, Email.. we used it all.. I even sent her some pictures and videos of me saying hi.  She sent pictures back. And I saved them on my Itouch,  every night I would look at them and think about her.  How lucky am I to have her?  Then when I went back to Brazil to visit for two months in 2007, we didn’t see each other because he didn’t talk that much anymore.  We didn’t because we were too young.  But we knew the love was there still.  So much that around 2009 we talked way more.  Making “plans” for the future.  For our kids. For us.  Then she would tell me everything she wanted to.  And I’d listen. Carefully listen.  But I didn’t say much back.  That was a mistake I think, because maybe she  thought I was not interested anymore.  So when I realized that, I started talking myself.  Then she didn’t say much back.  Looked like the love was failing apart.  But it didn’t.  In 2011 I came back for a month. I called her, called her, and called her.  BEEHH.. not a word back.  But then, after I showed a gesture of love, she answered.  We went out and talked, we went out and danced, we went out and became one.  And for that moment I think she realized she was the only one I needed and wanted.  She really was the love of my life.  She was my half. I was her half.  We became one.  There was no one I wanted to be with.  No one that could make me as happy as she did and still does.  No one that could spark my heart like she did…  She knew I wasn’t going anywhere without her.  But I did. And I’m sorry darling. I had to go back to school… and while I’m apologizing, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the attention you needed, I’m sorry I wasn’t always there.  I’m sorry I had to make you wait so long!  But for every sorry, there is a thank you.  So.. thank you. Thank you for waiting, thank you for being so great and understanding, thank you for saying exactly what I needed to hear. And with the speed it started, it ended. BAM. It’s over. No more emails, no more talking. Nope. Over. But then again, what else to expect? I went back, you stayed. How is this going to work? Is this love? Is it? You asked the question, then I asked myself.  Is it love? We’ll only know in the future. Now.. I’m here.. sitting on…. What was it again? Oh yeah… on big comfortable chairs in the living room.. trying to comfort myself, trying to feel okay.. but I won’t until you are next to me. Until our dreams come true. And if they don’t.. I want you to know something: I might get you outta my mind, but you’ll always stay in my heart. Always and forever.